Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines
I’ve noticed a recurring theme in my life: loneliness. And really, isn’t that my fault? I build (unstable) walls around my heart and readily tear them down, which is exactly the problem. Once those walls are broken, it’s just as easy to let people in as it is to let people out. I say people always leave because, well, I let them.
What’s even more peculiar is I have this intense fear of being left behind, of being forgotten, yet I so easily assume I don’t inhabit an inkling of anybody’s thoughts which coerces me to detach myself in the end. I suppose I’m just hypercritical of my importance, or lack thereof, to others that I tend to dwell upon things too much, numbing myself to the point where I end up not doing anything at all. It’s just a sad cycle of self-alienation which I never realized until just recently.
So to sum it up, my fear of abandonment drives me into a state of analysis paralysis (just utilizing a little knowledge acquired from my psych class!).
Okay so I got called in for a trial shift today and I searched what exactly to expect from a ‘trial shift’ and I came across a person’s post on a forum that said this:
I have my job interview/trial shift today and I’m freaking out a little. Or a lot. What do I even do?! What if they ask me about myself and I have an existential crisis because I don’t know who I am?
I’m ashamed I ever thought you were cute… Good looks can only go so far. It will never compensate for your arrogance.
To my uberly comfortable, broken-in, and only pair of blue skinny jeans. I’m sorry I foolishly believed I could emulate the destroyed denim look on my first try using a Youtube DIY tutorial…. It was nice knowing you these past three years.
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